#30 A Non Selected Fulbright Application
A few days ago I found out that I wasn’t selected for the Fulbright award I applied for to get my Masters in health, sport, and human performance at the University of Waikato in New Zealand. While I’m definitely disappointed about the outcome, I wanted to share my personal statement that I submitted as a part of my application because I think it really speaks to the impact rugby has had on me in my life and why I continue to pursue it through so many different avenues. I also understand that there are other paths I can take to reach my goals. As I heard from James Clear in this week’s 3-2-1 newsletter;
"One roadblock almost never ruins you.
There might not be 1000 ways to accomplish something, but there is almost always more than one way.
Know what you want. Be flexible about how to get there."
So, here it is :)
“I don’t want to look too manly.” “No, me neither,” I replied to my 8th grade best friend as we looked ourselves up and down in the YMCA gym mirror. We had just started playing rugby. I knew I wanted to succeed in the sport, but not at the cost of scaring all the boys away, as I’d been conditioned to believe that strong women are “scary”, especially to men. So at 13 years old, we began plotting the delicate balance between fit for rugby and femininity. Seven years later I was on my commute from my homestay house in southern Spain to the local University gym when a man selling tissues on the street stopped me to talk. He asked where I was always off to and I replied the gym. He told me to stop lifting so much because muscles are for men and that men aren’t going to like my “John Cena” arms. As a 13 year old this would have crushed me. However, after years of seeing my strength gains expressed on the pitch and continuously being surrounded by a community of strong women’s rugby players, my body confidence is stronger than any person’s comment on it. I told that man proudly that I love being strong. Rugby has empowered me to confidently combat gender, cultural, and societal norms of acceptability. I’ve learned to see value not in what my body looks like, but what it can do.
The rugby community has taught me to truly be your most authentic self, unapologetically. Growing up in a very heteronormative suburban town, I had never felt legitimized to question my sexuality. People simply didn’t talk about homosexuality and if they did, it was likely with negative connotations. My college rugby team, the Claremont Foxes, like most of the women’s rugby teams I have played on, had a high concentration of women in the queer community. My teammates would sing rugby folk songs confidently about their sexuality, literally yelling it for all to hear. Rugby created a safe space for me to realize a huge aspect of my identity.
Summer going into my senior year I trained full time at the American Rugby Professional Training Center in Little Rock. It was our third game of the day at 7s Nationals. This was the first game of the tournament that I was named a starter. I was so excited to display all the hard work I had put in that summer on the pitch. The player across from me had the ball. I made a sharp cut, mirroring the attacker's movement to make the tackle. I felt my knee fall out from underneath me. My heart sank and I burst into tears as I knew exactly what had happened. I had the same feeling 4 years earlier when I tore my other ACL. What was supposed to be my senior season captaining my college rugby team suddenly turned into a season of physical therapy and depression. But if there’s one thing rugby taught me, it’s that when you fall, you get right back up again. Through that time, as sad as I was, I didn’t miss a single practice. I helped coach my college team, religiously attended physical therapy, and researched all that I could do to accelerate my recovery. Six months post surgery I was on the field again, ten months post surgery I was named a 15s and 7s Collegiate All American.
Rugby has given me a community wherever I go. After four years of being away, the Universidad de Sevilla rugby team housed me for free for three months while training for Nationals. I know wherever I have a rugby team, I have a home. Rugby has shown me the immeasurable value of community and support. Through rugby I have connected with people from backgrounds, cultures, and experiences far different from my own.
Rugby is something I will always hungrily pursue. I have my eyes set on the USA 2025 World Cup Team. Beyond my aspirations as an athlete, I see rugby as a tool of empowerment for everyone, particularly young girls. It has shaped me into the confident, resilient, community oriented woman I am today. I aim to continue the work of organizations like ADEDAR and Child Fund’s Pass It Back who use rugby for development and life skills in disadvantaged communities around the world. With the Fulbright scholarship and community immersion, I will coach female athletes to not only stand fearlessly on the field, but to walk off their most strong, resilient, confident, and authentic selves.
Although not through a Fulbright, the mission, the growth, and the learning continues. After all rugby has taught me, I’m not deterred that easily and I am sure I’ll be finding myself in New Zealand next year developing as a player, coach, and human.
Keep moving forward :)