#29 So, I Passed Out, 3 Times
First of all you guys, I got my nose pierced!! I was having a fun, spontaneous, fabulous day when I showed up to practice. “I’ve just been feeling really good, running more efficiently, I don’t know I’m just really happy” I told Lili as I was lacing up my cleats ready to rock this practice. Two minutes into practice and I rolled my ankle stepping on a teammate in a ruck (sorry about that).
Frick that hurt. I slowly made my way over to the sideline so I could assess the situation. Then I started feeling a little woozy so I sat my booty down on the turf.
Next thing I know I opened my eyes and I saw my teammates training. I thought to myself, why am I napping on the side of the field at practice? AHHH okay okay yes, I remember, I rolled my ankle and came over here. Hm, I must have passed out. I got up to tell Lili that I didn’t feel so well and that I think I may have passed out. Bad move on my part. I woke back up again laying on the ground looking up at many of my VERY concerned teammates and coach. I said “hey guys, I’m totally fine, everything is fine but I think it’s going to happen again.” And boom, out I went again. This time apparently I made some sort of strange humming sound.
When I woke up for the third time my team captain was already calling the ambulance. My first thought was NO I DON’T WANT TO PAY FOR THAT. USA born baby. But I was reminded that in Spain it’s all covered and I don’t have to worry about any cost. I tried to sit up but everyone was VERY opposed to me moving an inch so there I laid in the sweet turf field of Fadura.
I saw the flashing lights and knew my ride had arrived. Feeling rather silly and embarrassed, I explained what had happened to the first responders. They insisted on carefully rolling me onto the freaking STRETCHER. I was hoisted into the air like a queen waving goodbye to my teammates as I was heaved into the ambulance.
Obviously I made besties with the first responders who were super sweet. I was the first english speaker they’ve ever had, an honor. We arrived at the hospital where I was rolled in and again explained my situation to the doctor. Thankfully a teammate had given Lili a ride to the hospital so she could be in the room with me. I don’t know why but every time I get my blood pressure checked I get super nervous and forget to breath lol. I caught Lili out of the corner of my eye taking a video of me and I was trying desperately not to laugh which further led to me not breathing. After that the doctor did a neurological exam and a heart exam. Everything came back perfectly normal!
So there I was in the hospital night gown with just a rolled ankle. And just when you think it can’t get any more dramatic, I was wheel chaired into the X Ray room.
I walked out of the hospital probably 30 minutes after I was stretchered in with a prescription for what is essentially the Spanish Advil in hand.
My biggest takeaways from this experience:
If I’m going to pass out somewhere, Spain is a great place to do it.
I would NOT survive in an apocalypse as I would probably get stressed and faint much like a fainting goat.
I’m going to be okay!
I don’t know exactly what caused me to faint but it did get me thinking about whether I felt stressed or anxious in that moment. Lately I’ve been practicing very vivid mental imagery of my future rugby career. I have seen it so clearly in my mind that I think when I first rolled my ankle I had a moment of “what if.” What if I get hurt and my immediate future isn’t what I want it to look like? My dramatic 3x pass out allowed a subconscious fear to surface. With time to reflect I’ve accepted that of course, injury is possible. My path might unexpectedly change. But, I would be okay, I would work it out. Presently, I am healthy.
I remember having a weird feeling before my game when I tore my second ACL. While warming up for our game last weekend I was in my head worrying that I was experiencing that same feeling. I thought about conversations I’ve had with my athletes. We’ve talked a lot about fear.
What would it be like to play fearlessly? Without fear of knocking the ball on, missing the kick, getting injured? How would you play? How would you feel?
I asked myself between warm up drills, how would I play if I didn’t have this fear of getting hurt? I would run hard, cut hard, hit hard. I felt a literal wave of chills. And boom, the fear was gone. I became that fearless person I was imagining. I felt strong and I played hard.
So what can you learn on those days when you roll your ankle and pass out 3 times?
Keep going forward fam.