#34 Everything happens for a reason if you relentlessly look for it
In less than a month I start my internship at Relentless Athletics, an all female athlete gym about 30 minutes from my hometown. I’ve been an athlete at Relentless (mostly virtually as I bop from place to place) for about 8 months now and absolutely love it. The first time I walked in it was so freaking cool to see 2 maybe 10 year old girls strapping up their lifting shoes getting ready to hit the platform. This is such a unique space that I wish I had access to growing up - all female athletes, all female coaches, lifting like athletes. I always thought it would be incredible to work at Relentless but never planned on being in my hometown long enough for it to be feasible. I knew it would be an indispensable experience to soak up the knowledge of Emily, the founder, as a business woman, coach, and all around phenomenal human. But again, didn’t think that staying in my hometown aligned with my rugby goals.
Now I am 2 months post ACL surgery and unexpectedly back in my hometown. While I am still working through the physical and mental obstacles of my injury, I am so grateful for this opportunity to learn and grow at Relentless. The year is definitely not looking how I wanted it to rugby wise, and I am still mourning that loss. BUT one of the things I wrote on my vision board was to empower girls and women through sport. Interning at Relentless aligns so harmoniously with that vision. As an athlete, Relentless has been my safe haven on a shitty mental day. It’s where I find moments of joy, hope, and inspiration; where I take steps towards healing both physically and mentally. Through my injury I’ve been redirected to my vision, towards a life that energizes me and fills me up. I think in my narrowed, focused pursuit of rugby I lost my grounding in what really feels purposeful to me.
Happy gals relentlessly pursing stronger biceps
While in California I had gotten a job a Equinox, a bougie gym, as a personal trainer to gain some in person training experience and offset the absurd prices of gas and cost of living that sweet San Francisco has to offer. Now I only lasted about 2 weeks in this job since I tore everything in my knee and flew home for surgery but when I got the job I remember debating with myself if I’d want to stay after the rugby season. I was enjoying the on boarding process and meeting my new coworkers. I also thought my manager was so freaking cool, just an obvious leader… you knew she had high expectations yet she was also supportive and caring. But something felt off about working at Equinox. I felt out of place. When trying to put the feeling into words I recognized I was lacking that sense of belonging that I immediately felt walking into Relentless.
Now I’m not one to walk away from discomfort so part of me was enjoying the challenge. And yes, I did feel cool and sort of elite wearing my tight high quality material Equinox tee with my 1 pair of lulu lemon leggings. But as hippie as it may sound, I wasn’t feeling connected to my core, to my soul.
A quick yet important tangent on my singular pair of lulu lemon leggings; my bestie Lili had sent me a text without any context to send her videos of me dancing in slow mo. So naturally I did as she said without any questions asked. I really committed to the cause and slid knees first across the hallway hardwood floors only to hear the screeching sound of my bare knees making contact with the ground. I was horrified when I realized I had pierced 2 identical holes into my 1 pair of black leggings that I had to wear for my interview at Equinox the next day. Maybe this was a foreshadowing moment… an unexpected event altering my future plans. Feeling defeated yet determined I set out to the nearest Lulu Lemon to put their warranty to the test. I was surprised to find my dramatic knee slide was covered and I got a brand new pair of black leggings just in time for my interview.
The scene of the crime.
Anyways, back to my soul connection. I felt displaced in so many different areas. First, I was literally moving from place to place every week so I didn’t have any stability in my living situation. Secondly, I felt displaced on the rugby field because I was changing positions from 13 to either flanker or 2nd row and felt no clarity on where I “belonged.” Thirdly, I felt working at this gym was not aligned with my true aspirations in my life. I found myself in reaction mode more often than usual and my stress levels were consistently bordering overwhelm. I meditated but they were short sessions and felt forced… I really struggled to get into my self care routine that I had so consistently and intentionally practiced while in Spain. Although I think it’s important to note that even in Spain I felt that disconnect to a deeper purpose.
While I definitely had very different hopes for the end of this year, I feel excited to use this recovery time to explore my coaching side more. No, I am not happy I tore my ACL, but I am grateful for the growth, opportunities, and perspective shifts along this recovery journey of mine. I am still in pursuit of being a better rugby player, while living a life where I am focusing on empowering girls and women through sport.
This was the first journal prompt of my new planner that I got… lol
I used to view these goals as separate, as mutually exclusive. Now I’ve realized that pursuing the empowerment of girls and women through sport helps me remember why I play and why I want to compete at an international level. I am reminded to be grateful for all the women who came before to create the opportunities that we have today in women’s rugby and strength training. I am inspired to train harder, to learn more, to keep going forward, and to pass all that lifting and rugby has taught me to the next generation.